Thursday, March 19, 2009

REDEMPTiON

they say in Life... 
hardships and triaLs wiLL come,,, mistakes wiLL happen,,, peopLe wiLL come and go,,, tears wiLL be shed,,, and broken hearts... weLL, it may heaL... but the scars wiLL remain...

i had a Lot of break downs for the past few months...
i made a wrong turn... i took a Lot of things for granted... i had doubts... i stumbLed  & feLL so many times... &&& worst, i reLied on myseLf...

BUT...
these things made me who i am today... it made me reaLize things... it made me stronger in a way... it made me scared in another way... &&& the greatest BUT of it aLL - "BUT in spite of it aLL... He stiLL Loves me... He gave me a second chance... He didn't judge me... He took my hand, hugged me tight, & made me feeL that He forgives me..."

SO...
now & tomorrow & the day after tomorrow & the next next day & the day after that day &&& so on... i wiLL do my best to do His wiLL... i wiLL try harder to stay on the right road & not make another wrong turn... i wiLL never doubt Him again... i wiLL pick myseLf up from aLL these & move forward... &&& i wiLL NOT reLy on just myseLf ever again...

FOR...
those who are heLping me get through aLL these - THANK YOU...
those who stayed by my side - THANK YOU...
those who are quick to judge - THANK YOU...
those who do not understand - THANK YOU...

STiLL...
i say this to those who are quick to judge & to those who do not understand::: "i have sinned and made a Lot of mistakes... but it is not those things that defines me... nor wiLL it define who i wiLL become... but thank you for making me see the other side without even going there..."

--> im in the process of heaLing,,, of taking it aLL in,,, of pLanning,,, of coping,,, &&& of getting fat... ^_^ i may not be ok yet, but i wiLL be... i stiLL beLieve... i stiLL hope... at the end of the day... im stiLL ME!

*** i was inspired by the foLLowing quotes ***
MEREDiTH: "The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to 'seize the day'. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying."
ATE KiM: "the moment we rely on ourselves completely, is the moment we lose our faith."
SOMEONE: "After falling, you don't have to crawl. You can stand up and start walking again..."
ANONYMOUS: "The important thing is not to be bitter over life's difficulties. We should Learn to Let go of the past and recognize that everyday won't be sunny, and when we find ourselves lost in darkness and despair, remember - it's only in the black of the night that we can see the stars, and those stars will lead us back home. So, we should not be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble, to fall. Because most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing things that scare us the most."
SOMEONE ANONYMOUS: "Don't shield yourself from pain, never fear pain either. Face whatever it is that comes your way. Don't be afraid to stumble and fall, to cry and get hurt. Dread not those helpless moments, when you can't even fight your tears back, and all you can do is stare at something and let time pass. You can only understand happiness after you've felt pain. Life is not fair, it never was, and it won't ever be. All we can do is to live it to the fullest."

Thursday, March 12, 2009

i need morphine!

ok... so i just need to Let this out...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

NOW im mad!!! i am sooooo MAD!!! i am freakin' MAD!!!
pLus i am stiLL coping... coping with the stuffs happening...
i am grieving... i am in shock... 
i am... i don't know... i wanna scream!
i wanna scream out Loud... but i can't...

my head is gonna expLode soon...
so i think i need a morphine... hahaha
im fine though... ehehehe ^_^

BUT wouLd it be too much to ask to CUT ME SOME SLACK?!?!

Monday, March 09, 2009

LiKE DEATH & TAXES... CHANGE is inevitabLe

--- i beLieve im doing the best i couLd,,, given the current situation...

--- im uber tired... from a Lot of things...

--- you'LL thank me tomorrow...

--- im not suicidaL... even if i say so... i mean, i don't see myseLf kiLLing myseLf... coz #1, that's a sin! &&& #2, im sooo great it wiLL be a waste to kiLL me! hahaha

--- i think that once they aLL know... it WiLL kick in... it WiLL become more reaL... &&& it WiLL make ME feeL things... in which, i think, im not ready yet... not ready to feeL things... (you know... coz i Like the feeLing of not being abLe to feeL coz then it feeLs great not feeLing anything... yeah...)

--- im thinking of going to disneyLand &&& sea worLd before the month of May comes... just because... 

--- "in Life, onLy one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes. no matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. you're going to hurt peopLe. you're going to get hurt. and if you ever want to recover... there's reaLLy onLy one thing you can say..." {by Meredith}

--- change is coming... as my sister said - "i have news that when i teLL you, i want you to wet your pants in shock! bwahaha"


ps::: im Liking twitter... you guys shouLd create one & foLLow me... staLk me... hunt me.. shadow me... whatever! hahaha

Sunday, March 01, 2009

i got tagged!!!

*** 25 RANDOM THiNGS ABOUT ME ***

1. -- i am dark & twisted... and i Like it... being dark & twisted... 
2. -- i have Lesbian/gay tendencies... 
3. -- i had an open heart surgery!
4. -- im a texter... fast texter! hehe
5. -- this is my favorite number!
6. -- i weigh Less than 100 lbs.
7. -- i easiLy get bored with my hair styLe... so, i get a hair cut whenever & however i feeL Like it... =D
8. -- im a certified chocohoLic! =D
9. -- im broke! =/
10. -- i bite! ^_^
11. -- im not good with "taLks"... unLess im confronting someone in a bad way, Like a fight-fight... =P
12. -- i don't cook... =P
13. -- vegetabLes can kiLL me... so i think...
14. -- i share a bed with my sister.. = }
15. -- im a junkie for redbuLL & coffee!
16. -- in highschooL::: my senior prom date was a freshman... =P
17. -- i have a thing for coLored pens... hehe
18. -- i wanna own a vespa!
19. -- im nearsighted...
20. -- i wanna ride a heLicopter...
21. -- i teLL peopLe i'm gonna fart before i actuaLLy fart... hahaha
22. -- im good in hiding... coz i hide aLot... for weird reasons... =P
23. -- im a heart breaker! hahaha
24. -- most often, i Like the feeLing of not being abLe to feeL... because then, im not feeLing anything at aLL... >_<
25. -- i want to become a surgeon... one of the best surgeons... (aim high, sky high!) haha

"i got tagged by my sister at facebook... but im not much of a facebook person anymore... so im writing it here... &&& im tagging peopLe as weLL! whoever gets tagged shouLd answer!!! =P or eLse!!!... hahaha you can cLick on "comment" after this post & write yours there... (having troubLe??? too bad, so sad! =P haha juz keeding! caLL me/txt me/emaiL me so i can heLp you...) oh! & don't forget to put your name on it... or anything (ur code name, ur porn star name, our secret name), whatever... as Long as there's something i can distinguish you with... if you've done this aLready, then you can just paste your answers here... aLso, i don't have a myspace, so don't even think of answering it there... coz what's the point of tagging you if im not gonna see your answer? right??? haha

SO... im tagging the foLLowing peopLe... ^_^
--> hon_uno, my bech = LaLa, siopao, Labs = quennie, my-secret-crush = mr. J, aLpha, LoLo jay, nathanieL, dye, yetyet, marie, danieL, ate karessa, kuya O, &&& stacey...