got some rest from crying...

my mind is currentLy nearing  shut off... finaLLy, i got some rest from crying... so im writing... because i have to Let this out... because i think i haven't said enough... &&& because i think writing wouLd heLp me... even a LiL bit at Least... 

i knew from the very beginning that im not good with taLks or confrontations (unLess im confronting someone who did something bad to me, Like fighting confrontations...)... because most of the time, i never get to say the things i wanted to say... i'd end up crying & not be abLe to taLk...

so i'm Letting it aLL out here... i dunno if you'LL be abLe to read this... but who knows, maybe someday you'LL get to read it... 

--> " i'm sorry... sorry for everything... sorry for hurting you... sorry for not being abLe to teLL you aLL this... sorry for shutting you out whenever i get paranoid... sorry for being seLfish... sorry for chickening out... i'm. reaLLy. sorry. for. everything...

my reason may be one-sided... but i hope you'd understand...

i'm not giving up... i'm stiLL hoping... that maybe one day, someday, things wouLd be better for us... that US couLd happen, even with this... 

for now, you couLd hate me... i'd understand... you can be mad,,, coz normaL peopLe wouLd be mad... &&& i stiLL think, i don't deserve your gift... but thank you... & know that i Love you..."