Monday, February 16, 2009

ALL ABOUT YESTERDAY...


for starters: yesterday was V-Day for "together" peopLe... S.A.D for "aLone" peopLe... i don't reaLLy ceLebrate V-Day whether "together" or "aLone" i may be... but i get gifts from time to time... but we just don't reaLLy ceLebrate it... i'm not being a hater or whatever, basta! we just don't...

i'd Like to think that its juz another day... ordinary day... Like any other day... but with sooo much hearts around... too much that its actuaLLy rubbing off on me!

so here's the story:::

when i woke up yesterday... i opened a very tiny tiny box in my mind... put a person inside, Locked it & hid it at the very bottom... why? coz i know it wiLL heLp me make it through the day... period!

i spent most of yesterday with my girL friend... we did errands, heLped my sister get gLam & ate a Lot... we ate Lots! good food, especiaLLy chocoLates... it heLped us... haha 

ima teLL you something... its our aLbertson's story... so we were doing errands for my friend's mom that we had to go to aLbertson's... MAN!!! when the store door opened, it was Like... i dunno! Lots of hearts, fLowers, sweet stuffs, reds & pinks! don't get me wrong though, i LOVE red... red is my fave coLor... but yesterday,,, it was different! aaaahhhh! my friend & i Looked at each other & Laughed... what a depressing store! =D

then we went to westminster to bring some stuffs to my friend's LoLa... when we were driving home, "singLe Ladies" by beyonce was pLaying on the radio that we had to caLL my sister for her to hear it too! haha (inside joke!)

then we got home... stiLL can't wrap my head around the things that happened... but it did happen! & once again, i was proven that the very tiny tiny box that i hid and Locked was useLess... ^_^

i got fLowers (AFTER WE'VE BEEN SO CLEAR ABOUT NOT GiViNG FLOWERS!!!)... =P

pLayed "pente"... i think its a weird game... or maybe that's because i don't know the objectives of the game! haha i kinda won though, after eye-ing someone! hahaha =D weLL, you gotta do what you gotta do!!!

then... i GOT AMBUSHED!!! ambushed by the peopLe i Love!!! totaLLy frustrating... but fun in the end! haha =D i even texted a friend for distraction, coz it was driving me crazy having the peopLe i Love whisper & taLk behind me... coz im used to me having secrets about them, not the other way around!

unwiLLingLy, i bLind foLded myseLf...  threw a tantrum & even tried to get myseLf out of the bLind-foLding-thing by bargaining (&&& suprisingLy, my bargain didn't work!!!)... and then, got myseLf a surprise!

and that is... we went ice skating!  i've never ice skated my entire Life... so it was a first! i feLL 2 and 1/2 times... got my knees bruised, & not just one knee... but BOTH knees!!! hahaha its ok though... i kinda Learned how to skate... now, im a pro! hahaha  it was fun! had a great time!

then got home & found out everything about yesterday's pLan... the peopLe behind it & the aLibis around it! haha


--> before i went to bed yesterday... thoughts were fLooding my mind... as usuaL, they are thoughts that i can onLy think of... hehe but for now... i wiLL eat more chocoLates because it makes me feeL better!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

DEATH iS iNEViTABLE

i'm not scared of dying... i think...
coz i beLieve that death is peacefuL...
                    that death is inevitabLe...

when you faiL...
when you faiL something...
or when you become the faiLure...

when you Loose...
when you Loose something dear to you...
or when you Loose someone you Love...

a part of you die...

i wonder...
for aLL the things that i've faiLed...
for aLL the stuffs i've Let go of...

HOW MUCH DEATH THAT THAT CAUSED ME???

Saturday, February 07, 2009

"NOT EVERYTHiNG iS ABOUT YOU!!!"




"acute pain r/t psychoLogical and emotionaL agents AEB chest pain."




___fLat_Line_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ . . .

Thursday, February 05, 2009

gossip girL

D: "it's over, isn't it?"
S: "we had to try..."


GG: "sometimes the onLy thing Left to do is wrap your arms around each other one Last time... and then just...............





Let go..."

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

MY bech-es!

"they make me happy even during my breakdown moments & Low-Liest times..."



Tuesday, January 27, 2009

got some rest from crying...

my mind is currentLy nearing  shut off... finaLLy, i got some rest from crying... so im writing... because i have to Let this out... because i think i haven't said enough... &&& because i think writing wouLd heLp me... even a LiL bit at Least... 

i knew from the very beginning that im not good with taLks or confrontations (unLess im confronting someone who did something bad to me, Like fighting confrontations...)... because most of the time, i never get to say the things i wanted to say... i'd end up crying & not be abLe to taLk...

so i'm Letting it aLL out here... i dunno if you'LL be abLe to read this... but who knows, maybe someday you'LL get to read it... 

--> " i'm sorry... sorry for everything... sorry for hurting you... sorry for not being abLe to teLL you aLL this... sorry for shutting you out whenever i get paranoid... sorry for being seLfish... sorry for chickening out... i'm. reaLLy. sorry. for. everything...

my reason may be one-sided... but i hope you'd understand...

i'm not giving up... i'm stiLL hoping... that maybe one day, someday, things wouLd be better for us... that US couLd happen, even with this... 

for now, you couLd hate me... i'd understand... you can be mad,,, coz normaL peopLe wouLd be mad... &&& i stiLL think, i don't deserve your gift... but thank you... & know that i Love you..." 

today can't get any worse, can it?

=( i couLd say that this day is one of the worst day i've had so far... =(

_>> so, i faiLed the 1st quiz of my 2nd semester... when i saw my grade, it's Like i have no chance to come back at aLL... i feeL Like crap! i feeL useLess! i feeL pathetic!

_>> then... i did something... something bad... i've hurt someone... actuaLLy, i've been hurting that someone for a whiLe now... then, i ended up hurting myseLf even more... 

_>> my eyes are burning... i've been crying for a whiLe... it's Like i don't have eyes anymore... but it feeLs Like there are more tears coming... *sigh* i dunno when it wiLL stop... but i hope sooner...

_>> i think i need some saving... im suicidaL!!!

Friday, January 09, 2009

FiNALLY... SNOW!!!



finaLLy... i got to see SNOW!!!
went on a trip with friends to Big Bear for 3 days & 2 nights...
awesome! uber fun! 

memories:
--> chuck norris turned jack norris turned jack & jiLL... hahaha
--> Life insurance! cLassic!
--> reaL snow baLL fight!
--> cowboy express...
--> oooohhh taboo!
--> Lots of fart-moments coz of Laughing non-stop...
--> chismis!!!
--> sLeigh ride!!! =D